


The Funeral of My Butterflies

by sarkiisova



Category: offgun
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Homophobia, LGBTQ Character, Lesbian Character, M/M, Romance, Self-Discovery, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:55:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26381509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarkiisova/pseuds/sarkiisova
Summary: Off Jumpol could not believe that he was sitting on a cold floor while questioning all of his life decisions and understanding that his future will not be as he expected it to. He was once so sure how his whole life would look like but, apparently, he was very much wrong.
Relationships: Film Rachanun Mahawan/Love Pattranite Limpatiyakorn, Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat, Ssing Harit Cheewagaroon/Jan Ployshompoo Supasat
Kudos: 5





	1. INTRODUCTION

_**INTRODUCTION.** _

Funerals are always difficult to attend but this one was impossible to miss. This one was only for the two of us but I seem to be the only one who came. You didn’t directly belong to this funeral but you certainly were the reason for it. So I’m not sure whether you’ll come or not, I’m not even sure if I want you to come.

It was really quiet around me and inside of me too; no more fireworks and eruptions happening inside of my stomach. It even felt somewhat peaceful. Until I heard footsteps getting closer to me. I turned my head to face the source of the noise and saw you shyly walking closer to me. You kept your head down; either you didn’t want me to see you or you didn’t want to see me. Both ways I don’t care, not any more so I turned my head back to the gravestone. A grey rock that has butterflies carved into it. I could just tell that at some point these butterflies were able to fly. But it's no longer the reality.

Shorty, I could feel your skinny fingers tapping on my shoulder. I’m not sure why you decided to approach me. Maybe you couldn't see the gravestone in front of us or you just chose to ignore it, but talking to you was certainly the last thing I wanted to do.

“I’ve missed you,” - you say with your high pitched voice that never used to hurt my ears as it did now, - “We should meet up sometime.” - you continue and now I think all of it is just a big joke.

Surprisingly, I couldn’t find in myself the will to scream or get angry at you. I was not feeling much towards you, just the confusion to why were you still trying. One would think the gravestone dedicated to the butterflies in my stomach was enough.

The butterflies had finished their dance of love and affection. They got tired, sick and had died eventually, taking my feelings with them. Nothing was immortal, right? So who said that feelings are?


	2. CHAPTER ONE. INCEPTION.

_Inception — the moment when a certain someone begins to take a whole new meaning for you. It happens unexpectedly and cannot be stopped. In science, it's the most salient stage._

It was a Friday night, the middle of Autumn. Off had his day off from work, he hoped to spend it with his lover considering they barely had any time for each other lately. However, it did not go as planned. In fact, it went in a completely different direction. The morning did not start well for both men. Before they even had a chance to eat breakfast, they already had an argument, which leads to Gun furiously leaving the apartment. Jumpol had been fuming for a few minutes after it happened, frustrated that nothing was going well between him and Gun. However, right now he could only think about how stupid the argument was. He wasn’t even sure where his boyfriend was, although, this is not what was occupying his mind right now.

The living room was poorly lit with only a lamp next to the big couch dimly lighting it up. The man sat on the cold floor next to the wooden cupboard that was slightly open. Off had a photo album in his hands. Years ago he and Gun liked to take pictures of everything that was going on in their lives and print them out to keep it all in the albums. They had dozens of those now; thick albums were filled with immortal memories. The couple thought that one day, when they get old they would sit in their house and get through all these pictures, remembering all the memories they have made.

However, it did not go as planned. Off was all alone and he was going through their past for a completely different reason.

The very first picture in the album that was met with Off’s eyes was the oldest one that they had. It was a picture of him and Gun back when they were still babies. Their mothers took them to a park that day; Gun was still bad at controlling his balance so Off held his hand to help the younger stay still and not fall down meanwhile their parents took the picture. Baby Gun had the brightest smile on his face, all of his two teeth were shown while he was holding older’s hand real tight, however, the older who was visibly intense. Off was afraid he wouldn’t be able to help the younger avoid falling on the cold pavement.

Back then, these little boys did not know what kind of journey awaited them in the future.

The album did not have any other pictures of them as children because Off and Gun hadn’t seen each other after the day at the park. The only reason why they were friends, to begin with, was that their parents had been friends even before they were born. However, they have stopped playing with each other once they had grown up a little and their parents had more things to worry about, like their education and new friends.

None of the boys really cared about losing the friendship, they were too small at the end of the day, moreover, the school started and both of them got to know new people. Off met a person that would soon become his best friend for life. They sat next to each other during the very first class. Somehow, a 7-year-old Off knew that this boy next to him is going to make the school experience a little better. In fact, a lot better.

Soon Jumpol got to know the boy more; his name, age and what was his favourite video game at the moment. The boy’s name was Tay Tawan, he loved going to a beach during the middle of the day when the hottest sun was shining, even though his mother was never supportive of that, and loved telling stories that he heard from his grandmother. Off felt comfortable and happy with the boy, throughout the majority of primary it was just him and Tay, and they did not really need anyone else in their friendship.

On the other hand, Gun started school a couple of years after Off. He got to know way more people then Off did during his first weeks of school but he didn’t have a connection with any of them. Their class was divided by boys and girls; for unknown reasons they did not play with each other. Gun could play and talk with most of the boys in his class but at end of the day, he would walk home alone, feeling unsatisfied with himself. Nothing really changed throughout the years; Atthaphan was never really interested in video games or cars or anything that the boys talked about. He was way more intrigued by the girls in his class that were always laughing and having fun talking about some cartoons or creating silly games together.

But whenever the boy wanted to go up to the girls, get to know them and play with them, he would always hear his father’s strict and deep voice: “You are a boy, therefore, you should play with boys and fall in love with girls, there is no other way for you to live a life”.

It took Gun four whole years to finally get the courage and talk to the girls, in fact, their whole class became less separated after Gun managed to break the invisible wall between them. The boy had been laughing the loudest since that day. He never really thought about telling his father about this. Gun, being only 11 years old, knew that his father was not a person that will help and support him in everything that he does.

Years passed, the boys haven’t even thought about each other, completely forgetting about their childhood friendship. Although, if any of them would be reminded of the friendship the chances that they would miss it and want it back are very low, so low it wasn’t even worth considering.

However, in Autumn of 2015 that chance had to be considered. Gun and his two best friends were thinking of changing schools for a while now and finally, they managed to persuade their parents. Everything was perfect until one of Gun’s friends had disappeared, no-one knew where she and her family was. However, life kept on going and Gun with his best friend, Love, had to start their first days of the last four years of school in a new place.

It was still a whole week before the summer holidays were over, however, the best friends had been stressing out already, constantly asking each other what they should wear or bring to the class. Although, no matter how much they were stressing out, they decided everything on the very last day of holidays. Gun suggested they should meet before school and go there together, to which Love had agreed. So both of them met up in front of the school entrance.

— Ready? — Love asked with a quiet voice, her cheeks were pink; meeting new people was always difficult for her. She was visibly anxious.

— Yes, — Gun tried saying as firmly as possible, hoping that this could give Love some confidence. However, the girl knew perfectly well that Gun was as nervous as she was about having to meet new people.

Atthaphan took Love’s hand in his, both on the palms very cold, they looked at each other one more time, exchanged nervous smiles and started walking towards the entrance of the school. Both of them were feeling the heavy empty space next to Love that not so long ago was occupied by their best friend, Film.

The next photo that Off found in the album was from the first day of Off’s last two years of high school. It was taken by a photographer who was invited to the new school year’s opening ceremony. Neither he and Gun knew that the picture was made all the way until all of the pictures from the event were sent out to students and parents. It was also when Gun found out that he and Off were in the same school now.

Off remembers that day as if it happened yesterday; he woke up early in the morning because he had to take a shower, style his hair and prepare an outfit for today. He simply had to look good. Him and Sing, his best friend that he made in the first years of secondary school, made a bet on who can get a date with one of the new girls first. Off was determined to win, not only because of the bet but also because he promised himself that this is the year where he’ll finally get a girlfriend.

— You want a girlfriend, you do, — Off said to himself while looking at the full-size mirror, he fixed his belt a little, making sure that the white button-up shirt looked neat on him.

The bus that Off had to take to get to school was unsurprisingly busy; all the students had begun studying again and more adults started their jobs. Off thought about the summer times, when the busses were almost empty as many preferred to take a walk or ride bikes instead. Jumpol thought about how much he was missing the fresh air and empty spaces in the bus, however, he was brave enough to admit to himself that he did not miss seeing couples being lovely with each other on the streets.

“You want a relationship only because of social standards, that’s not alright” Tay’s voice suddenly appeared in Off’s head, reminding him of the phrase that made him stay up all night right before their mathematics exam last year. Tawan said it to Jumpol right after Sing was showing off his another date.

Off liked to think that Tay was wrong and that he was ready for true love.

Jumpol’s hope for the day was to meet lots of new girls, he was sure it wouldn’t be a problem considering the was a likeable guy; good grades, sense of style and a silly and outgoing personality. However, he was very much wrong; once he came to school, he lost all the confidence he ever had. He couldn’t find his friends; everywhere he looked he’d see unfamiliar faces. Luckily, he didn’t have to continue awkwardly standing in the hallway because he had to follow the principle’s order to go outside for the little opening ceremony. As the older woman said: “such perfect weather should not be wasted”.

Trees stood still as there barely was any wind, the leaves were already pained yellow and red even though it was only the beginning of autumn. Off loved this time of the year, he found such weather the most calming. While admiring nature, Off missed half of the speech of the principle and spent the second half looking for his friends in the crowd. He wasn’t successful at it so he decided to give up for now and wait until he was able to use his phone again.

Once the welcoming ceremony was over all the teachers and students started making their way back to school. Off was not paying attention anymore, as if he was doing that to start with, the boy took out his phone as soon as he could and started typing a message to his friends. While waiting for the answer, Off looked around, hoping to finally see familiar faces. He was surprised to see that the majority of people have left already, apart from a few teachers and a photographer who was taking pictures of the said teachers.

— Common, Gun, we have to go to class, — Off heard a female voice not far away from him. He looked to the side of the direction of the voice, still holding his unlocked phone close to his chest.

In that moment the whole world had stopped, seconds became minutes and minutes became hours. Gun Atthaphan. The girl was holding his hand and trying to make him move, while Gun was taking a picture of the view; yellow trees that looked even brighter now due to the sun shining on them and the main entrance of their school that looked too dull next to the trees. However, there was only one view for Off right now. The once so little boy that could not even stand by himself had grown up so much. However, the said boy still had his baby face and the plump lips. It would be stupid to avoid saying that Gun was the prettiest boy Off had seen today. Jumpol was not ready to admit that he actually had never in his entire life seen anyone prettier than Gun.

Forgetting about his friends completely, Off continued staring at the boy. Fingertips cold, regardless of the warm weather, and heart beating fast. Off thought it was because of the adrenalin, shock; he just didn’t expect to see Gun ever again.

Soon the boy left with the girl. Off was still in his own world, staring at the direction the pair went off to. Only the message notification was able to bring him back to reality. His friends were in class already, he had to go as if nothing had happened just now.


End file.
